He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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