kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
