he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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