Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
