I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
