I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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