My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
