Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
