What a fucking waste of an outfit
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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