have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
