I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
