The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
