You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize