I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
