I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
