It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He shit in the fireplace
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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