And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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