there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize