you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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