at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
