OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
