it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
