I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Someone signed my nipple.
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