Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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