I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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