All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
