Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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