he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
