just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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