Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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