so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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