No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
