when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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