And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
