dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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