Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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