when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
