oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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