I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
