Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
