Will you blow on my dice?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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