what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
