where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
