She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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