so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
