I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
