And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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