Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
