I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
