i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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