You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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