Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
