hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
