I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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