they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
