i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize