Quick, to the slutcave!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
