Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
