she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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