I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
