He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
