I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
