Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
