hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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