Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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