so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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