You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
