I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
