I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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