My friends, they love my intelligence
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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