My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
