Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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