so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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