Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
