My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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