Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
