wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize