how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
kristin has been a bad kristin
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
