Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
