you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im six kinds of drunk right now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
