How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
