You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
