can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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