apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
