Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
