So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
