I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize