how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You smell like stripper and shame
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
