Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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