Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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