Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
