I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
