He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize