Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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