The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
