mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
